Unlock the Power of Relaxation: How to Discover Your Comfort Zone

Many of us have lost the ability to relax properly. We consult experts on how to turn off in a world that is constantly on.

How do you prefer to rest, unwind, and unwind? It seems like a straightforward question. However, I can’t be the only one who has been on the couch for a number of hours over the last few weeks, “watching TV” as my eyes dart between Facebook, Twitter, and five separate WhatsApp groups on my phone.

Our always connected digital world makes it harder and harder to unwind. I was first affected by this a few years ago when I had to quit working out due to an injury. My favourite “me-time” activity had always been working out, and I felt completely lost without it. I only recently started again, but having just one way to de-stress feels really constrained, and I’m not even sure if it qualifies as relaxing because it’s very labour-intensive and naturally competitive. When I have a free evening at home, I frequently don’t know what to do and wind up wasting hours gazing blankly at screens before going off to bed and wondering how the time has passed.

This issue appears to be widespread. Actress Diane Keaton said to More magazine, “I wouldn’t know what to do with a week off,” and musician Gwen Stefani told Stylist that she feels like she’s “panicking a bit or trying to plan the next thing” if she has any free time. When asked what he often does after work, Elon Musk replied, “Usually work more.” This statement does not appear to be working out well for him.

The initial spike in popularity of adult colouring books, the 13.3% increase in sales of books offering spiritual guidance on how to live in a busy world last year, and the mindfulness “mega trend” observed in Headspace, the meditation app that has been downloaded over 15 million times, all point to the need for a basic source of relaxation. Many of us are still looking for answers to some of the same questions that those of us who purchased these things were probably trying to find. The colouring book industry has now collapsed, as Forbes deemed it “dead” in May and Headspace lay off 13 employees in June of last year.

“Most people in the UK are dependent on their digital devices and need a constant connection to the internet,” according to a report released this summer by Ofcom. According to the study, 78% of us now own a smartphone, with 95% of those aged 16 to 24 owning one. On average, we check our phones every 12 minutes when we are awake, and 43% of us believe that we spend too much time online, and 54% of us feel that the devices disrupt our conversations with friends and family. We don’t know how to unwind without them, and we can’t unwind with them. Of us, seven out of ten never switch them off.

Rachel Andrew, a clinical psychologist, claims that she observes the issue in her consultation room on a daily basis and that it is becoming worse. In my experience, individuals are finding it more and harder to unwind and turn off, at least in the last three to five years. Additionally, it spans the age range of 12 to 70,” she notes. Technology, phones, work emails, and social media are among the topics that keep coming up.

According to Andrew, there is a place for kicking back in front of a screen, but it depends on how you do it. “People sometimes report completely losing interest in what they’re looking at, zoning out, and not knowing what they’ve been doing for the past 30 minutes,” she says. You may think of this as a form of dissociation, where your mind withdraws from the circumstance when it is so worn out and overloaded. That is probably not in any way nourishing. Perhaps this explains why I wake up feeling like I’ve consumed a tonne of junk food—less Netflix and relax, more Netflix and nap. I’ve mistaken feeling comfortable for being brain dead.

For many of us, this deafening retreat to our screens is both a cause and an effect of our inability to unwind and have fun, according to psychoanalyst David Morgan of the Institute of Psychoanalysis. He claims that our devices and the activities we engage in with them are all forms of distraction. “People are so accustomed to seeking out distractions that they truly find it impossible to spend an evening by themselves. It is a method of avoiding recognising oneself since self-awareness necessitates mental space, and all of these diversionary tactics are employed to keep from approaching the self.

How to reclaim the lost art of rest

Nina Grunfeld suggests giving each person one hour to oversee the group’s agenda throughout the festive season so they can select the activity they find most soothing. This is especially useful if you are spending time with relatives or friends. One of my kids might insist that we all play a video game, another that we all go on a walk, and still another that we all create cakes. You all get a little “me-time” in this way, and you can enjoy someone else’s as well. It’s so soothing not to have to make decisions all day long,” she says.

Determine the most significant component of the activity you most enjoyed as a youngster, then locate the adult version of it. Grunfeld states: “You may need to consult with friends or family or consult old photo albums if you are unable to recall.” It’s almost as if we’re not a complete person if we don’t have the themes that are typically present in our lives as adults. You might want to try making bread if you enjoyed building things or pottery if you enjoyed playing in the sandpit.

Try a different perspective on the world. “Give yourself permission to explore. Simply take a stroll wherever you are and discover what entirely fresh you can discover. Whenever you reach a turn, ask yourself if you want to go left or right and see where you end up. Try to become lost,” advises Grunfeld.

“Look at the science if you don’t know how to start relaxing,” advises Rachel Andrew. “A growing amount of research indicates that spending time in nature is nourishing and uplifting.”